Unlikely
by mmhem
Summary: Bellamy Blake didn't know his neighbor from across the hall and wasn't planning on introducing himself. He also wasn't planning on kitchen fires, cat pregnancies, and ex girlfriends getting into bar fights. To him, it was all very unlikely.
1. Spring 15'

_***Clarke***_

April 2015

"I felt her absence; it was like waking up one day with no teeth in your mouth. You wouldn't need to run to the mirror to know they were gone."

-James Dashner 

There are a lot of things I don't enjoy doing; going to the dentist, being told what to do, etc. But at the top of the list, is cleaning. I'm not the sort of person who complains, but when spring cleaning comes along I usually have several mini tantrums before, during, and after. This time around is no different.

I groan to myself as I sit on the floor in front of my cluttered closet and begin unraveling the chaos within. It's like I opened the door to hell except instead of demons, shoes and clothes came flying out.

I count thirteen pairs of shoes, two prom dresses, five pairs of jeans that are all way too tight, seven empty shoe boxes, and three yearbooks. And that's only the first layer. I consider looking through the yearbooks but after absently flipping through the one from middle school and glimpsing my braces and rhinestoned glasses, I decide it's just not worth it.

Besides that nothing of interest shows up until a shoebox falls into my lap. At first I think it's empty, but when I glance inside, a little purple flash drive slides around all by itself.

"What's this?" I wonder aloud, picking up the unfamiliar flash drive. I try to remember what's on it but nothing comes to mind. I glance over at my laptop and figure spring cleaning can wait for just a few more minutes.

I uncover the top of the flash drive and plug it into my laptop, stuck between excitement and nerves. With my luck it's probably some sarcastic message to screw myself over but my mind can't help but jump to much scarier conclusions. I mean, what would have been so bad that I hid it in my closet?

A window suddenly appears and the only thing on the flash drive is a video. The name: Bellamy

Just glancing at the name sends a jolt of nausea through me. How could I forget? And as much as I want to tear the drive out and crush it beneath my heel, my finger double clicks on the video, starting it up.

I don't have the greatest memory but I remember knocking on Bellamy Blake's door like it happened two hours ago. A part of me wishes a could go back and relive it again and again and another part wishes I hadn't done it at all.


	2. Smokin' Hot Boy Across the Hall

_*Bellamy*_

September 2014

"Colpo di fulmine. The thunderbolt, as Italians call it. When love strikes someone like lightning, so powerful and intense it can't be denied."

-J.M Darhower

I could smell the smoke before I could see it. Of course, I couldn't see anything once I ran into my kitchen to find said smoke filling up half my apartment. All the rules about fire safety I had learned in elementary school flew through and out of my head at once. It seemed that no firefighters were on their way and no safe spot appeared for me to inhabit while I watched my apartment go down in flames. Perfect.

"Shit." I muttered, gaping at the monstrous flames that covered my entire stove and the majority of the cabinets. And right in the middle of it all was the pot of spaghetti I had been cooking with my oven mitts that were too close to the flames. Apparently my assumption that handling food with oven mitts would automatically create a safer environment was wrong.

I thought I heard once that you weren't supposed to throw water on a grease fire, but honestly I didn't know the difference and didn't feel like sitting around and to think about it while my kitchen burned.

I quickly got a massive pot from a cabinet that wasn't on fire and filled it with water. Thank God my sink remained undamaged, I thought sarcastically. Now I could fill pots with water that wouldn't be able to boil due to my lack of a stove that wasn't crispy. Cooking was truly exhilarating.

Apparently, I made the right call with the water because the flames went down considerably. It only took about three more pots full of water to get it to go out entirely, although, by then, nothing was salvageable. I didn't really expect it to be though.

The stove had had better days along with all the food that was inside and my poor green and white polka dotted oven mitts. The cabinets too, were stained a nasty black, making them look like a piece of abstract artwork that I really didn't want in my apartment. To say the least, I was not pleased. Especially since it was 7:30 and my date/sort of girlfriend was supposed to arrive an hour ago. I had only one word for this situation.

"Awesome."

As soon as I muttered the word, the sprinklers finally came on, extinguishing what was left of my good mood. Now, I was wet, angry, and probably had carbon monoxide poisoning. My night really couldn't get any better.

Then, of course, a sudden knock came on my door. My date, most likely, arriving at the most pleasant of times. I could already imagine her face when she found out what happened. If she ever was my girlfriend before, she definitely wouldn't be after this.

So when I opened the door I expected harrassment, not a blonde haired girl with concerned blue eyes. Well, they _were_ concerned until she got a good look at me. Then she started to laugh.

"Haha, so funny." I rolled my eyes, wiping droplets of water from my face. "What do you want?"

"I was just wondering if you were alright." the girl wheezed, not even trying to contain herself. "I could see the smoke coming out from under the door." I quickly glanced back at my smoke filled kitchen and winced, remembering the rule about staying low to the ground floor where all the breathable air is. Hopefully, I hadn't contracted lung cancer in the time it took for me to put out the flames.

"I'm fine." I sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "I appreciate your concern." The girl raised her eyebrows, looking me over. Her eyes were steady and I felt the urge to cross my arms over myself as if it would stop her from gleaning my darkest secrets through the ash stains on my shirt.

"Are you sure? You look at little... wet. And ashy." She bit her lip. "And just a tad irritated, but that's really none of my business."

I glanced down at myself. My entire body was coated in soot and my clothes stuck to me like leeches. Worst of all, the breeze started picking up in the unheated hallway, raising goosebumps all over. The irritated part wasn't anything new.

"Maybe, I'm not fine." I admitted with a shrug, feeling like a kid being scolded. "But why do you care? Who even are you?"

"I live across the hall." the girl said casually, gesturing to her door that was open a crack. "My name is Clarke. And I care because I'm a nice person. I can assume you're not accustomed to those?"

I wasn't really. The nicest person I knew was my sister, and nice was a very, very strong word to use. I mean, my date/sort of girlfriend just stood me up, apparently, all I attracted were snakes.

"Well _Clarke_ , thank you for checking in on me, but I am absolutely A-OK. My kitchen is deteriorating, I may have mild hypothermia, and my date didn't show up, but I am all good." I stated bitterly, moving to close the door.

"Wait," She interrupted, the slightest wink of concern back in her eyes, "shouldn't you at least sleep somewhere else for the night? Until the smoke clears out."

"Where else am I supposed to go?" To be honest, I really just wanted to shower and mope around.

"You can stay at my place." Clarke shrugged as if it was the easiest solution in the world. "I have a shower. And heat."

I looked over my apartment and knew Clarke was right. I wasn't too keen on staying in a stranger's apartment, but I didn't really have a choice, did I? Even if the fire department arrived, the most they could do is give me a stern lecture on fire safety.

"Fine." I exhaled, turning back to my neighbor. "But I'm bringing my cat." I heard her laugh as I ventured into my room where my fat cat usually lounged.

After retrieving Murphy and opening a few windows to let the smoke out, I returned to my front door where Clarke was waited with a big grin on her face that for some odd reason, made me want to grin too.

"This is the best thing I've seen all week." Clarke chuckled, leading the way across the narrow, treahcerous hallway. In another situation, I might've been fuming at how easily she laughed at me, but there was something in the way she did it that made all my usual anger dissipate. Maybe I really had been posioned.

"All week? I think you should give me more credit than that. How many soot covered, waterlogged, guys holding obese cats do you see? Plus I'm pretty cute, so I should get points for that."

Clarke just shook her head, holding open her apartment door. Maybe staying the night wouldn't be so bad.


	3. Next Door Arsonist

_*Clarke*_

"I'd been waiting for you to come along; I just didn't know it until you smiled at me."

-C.P Smith

I don't know what made me do it. Maybe it was the exhaustion from working all day or the fumes from the smoke that poured into the hallway, but I couldn't have been in my right mind. I mean, who invites a stranger to stay in their apartment? A wet, dirty, sarcastic stranger who just so happened to set their kitchen on fire like an idiot.

But there was no going back after I offered so I just smiled and held open the door. I always thought being trusting was one of my strong suits but now I had my doubts. I should give my mom a call before I get murdered by the arsonist from across the hall.

"If you wanna get cleaned up the bathroom is just down there." I offered, slowly shutting my front door and hoping it's not the last time I see that beaten down corridor. Watching this stranger standing awkwardly in the middle of my apartment felt terrifying and thrilling all at once. Terrifying because he could easiily be a murderer and thrilling because a majorly attractive guy wearing a wet white shirt was in my apartment.

"Thanks." he nodded, placing his cat on the floor and crossing into the hallway. "My name is Bellamy, by the way."

I nodded firmly, even though he couldn't see me and only began to breath again when I heard the bathroom door shut. I pushed away from the front door at last and stepped carefully into my living room as if he had left an invisible bomb on my carpet.

"What are you looking at?" I asked aloud, glaring down at Bellamy's cat. It was a fat, gray lump that closely resembled a fuzzy rock. It also had the meanest face I had ever seen on an animal. I didn't even want to know what it would do if I tried to pet it.

"If I get murdered, you better tell the police who did it." I continued, glaring at the cat which had started to waddle around the room. It's pinched face had a permanent look of disgust and I almost felt offended when it glowered right back at me until I realized it was a cat. I was literally talking to a cat. I groaned and collapsed on the couch.

Now that I had my stranger across-the-hall-neighbor in my apartment and I couldn't just kick him out, I had to decide what to do from here. I couldn't believe I had done something like this without a plan. I never don't have a plan! But I guess if I ever had someone over, there was usually something for us to do, no matter how unexpected. I definitely wasn't going to do _that_ with Bellamy though.

So what does one do with their neighbor? Do we make small talk? Should I provide entertainment? Make food? Could I just go to bed and leave him on the couch with his grouchy cat? Those are really things they should teach you in school.

In the end, I decided to stay casual. I put on the TV, kept my food safely in the fridge, and tried not to stare into the dim hallway where the bathroom door remained shut. It was...distracting.

Finally, after an agonizing 11 minutes, the bathroom door creaked open and I quickly averted my eyes. They didn't stay away for very long though considering Bellamy had only a towel around his waist and he stood frozen in the hallway like some statue in an art museum. Luckily, I don't think he noticed my gaping as he was a little more distraught about his lack of dry clothes which I completely forgot about.

"You need clothes." I said abruptly, pointing at his bare chest.

"I'll be back." He smiled, pointing at the door. I nodded and when he was out of earshot I proceeded to groan again. What was I doing? It really wasn't that hard to talk to a simple, shirtless guy, yet here I was, stuttering and _nodding_.

"How do you deal with this?" I whispered to his cat who had settled beside me and looked like he was starting to deeply regret his decision.

"What was that?" Bellamy shouted, walking back across the hall with an appropriate amount of clothes on.

"Oh, nothing. I was just... making conversation." I shrugged, failing to come up with a normal sounding excuse. Bellamy raised an eyebrow as he closed the front door behind him.

"With the cat?" I glared at the feline who was either purring or throwing up, I couldn't really tell.

"Yeah." I sighed, giving up on the composed host facade. "He's great company."

"I got him from my sister." Bellamy said, taking a seat in an armchair. "He doesn't like anyone except for her and if you tried to pet him you'd probably lose a hand."

"That's encouraging." I laughed, inching just a bit farther from the cat. "My cat is around here somewhere."

We were both quiet after that, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting like most neighbors do when they've only just met due to a tragically hilarious kitchen fire. You know, I never thought I would be in such a situation and as interesting as it was, I was dying not knowing what to do. I always had plans and strategies and ways out but sitting in my living room with Bellamy was like losing every sense of directionI had.

"This is awkward." Bellamy said, breaking the 7 minute long silence.

"Finally." I exclaimed, collapsing into the cushions and melting into a grin. "If someone didn't say it I'm pretty sure the room would have exploded."

"Then we would have had two fires in one night. The fire department would hate us." Bellamy joked and somehow with only a few words we had broken the ice. My living room felt like my living room again and jokes came easier and I stopped counting the minutes like a maniac.

The first lull in the conversation occurred when there was a sudden knock on my door. At 11 o'clock. I gave Bellamy a suspicious look and he simply shrugged. I tiptoed to the door, not really knowing why I was doing it. I thought I heard Bellamy chuckle but I ignored him.

I opened the door a crack and peered through and when I saw who was there I threw the door open like it was the President himself.

"We heard there was a fire." One of four firefighters stood at my door. Words refused to come out of my mouth so I simply turned to Bellamy who was now standing and trying to hide the enormous grin that was threatening to appear on his face.

The next hour was spent clearing up the mess Bellamy had made which was much more fun than you would expect. The best part was the end when the muscular and highly intimidating firefighters gave us a lecture on fire safety. I had flashbacks to when I was in elementary school and it was unbelievably hard to keep from bursting out in laughter.

"Oh. My. God." I said, shutting the door firmly behind me once the men had left. Bellamy and I looked at each other for a total of two seconds before we broke into hysterics and we didn't stop until our stomachs hurt and tears ran down our faces.

"Ok, but who's keeping the poster?" Bellamy asked once we had stopped wheezing, holding up a poster with Smoky the Bear on it that said "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires."

"I don't know but I feel like we should change forest to kitchen." I retorted, grabbing a sharpie from the counter. I scooted over to where Bellamy was sitting on the floor and crossed out forest.

"Perfect." I said with a grin. I looked over at Bellamy and he looked over at me and all of a sudden the distance between us seemed much much smaller. It was like in a movie when the couple stares longingly into each others eyes while a top 40s pop song plays in the background. But instead of ending with a satisfying kiss, Bellamy coughed uncomfortably and I slid back as far as I could.

"That's enough fun for one night I think." I muttered quickly, making sure to not look at Bellamy as I stood and moved toward my room down the hall. "If you need anything just ask."

I practically ran into my bedroom and when I was sure that my door was closed and I couldn't be heard, I yelled into my pillows. Mature, I know. I couldn't fall asleep for what felt like hours and I was sure that it was because I was waiting for something. A noise or a knock or something that would make what just happened not so horrible but there was nothing. And I wasn't surprised either. Why should he do anything but crash on my couch and leave? I was overthinking things and I knew it.

Bellamy and me? Unlikely. 


	4. Vroom Vroom Meow

_*Clarke*_

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."

Helen Keller

I hated Halloween. It was one of those thoroughly pointless holidays that had lost its true meaning, which, if you didn't know, was highly satanic. In reality, it was just a ploy to waste money. Costumes, candy, party supplies. And alcohol, but they didn't really need a holiday for that.

Of course, my hatred for the holiday was made even worse when I became stranded on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building dressed like a sexy bat. If you weren't aware, it gets very cold in October, especially for scantily clad, winged mammals. I suddenly regretted going for a more original look. Being a cat HAD to be warmer than this.

And it's not like I even wanted to go to this stupid party anyway. Like I mentioned before, I despised Halloween. And similarly, I despised parties. So you could probably guess that a Halloween party was my own personal hell. Really, the only reason I was going was because Raven insisted that I needed to have some fun and she never backed down when she made up her mind. Which left me where I was; shivering on the street, waiting for her to pick me up.

So I called her for the fifteenth time (I counted). No answer. Oh, I was going to kill her. I should've dressed like an axe murderer because those were the vibes I was feeling at the moment. I could almost guarantee that she was late because of her stupid ex-boyfriend. Who was also my ex-boyfriend. Who we eventually bonded over, but that was a whole other story. He had been getting pretty clingy lately and Raven just didn't have the heart to tell him no. But luckily, I did.

I went to dial again when a deafening roar sounded and I nearly dropped my phone, somehow composing myself enough to peer around the corner and spot a motorcycle racing down the street. Its headlights blinded me as it turned, only adding to my shitty mood. Especially when it slowed down right in front of me. Whatever this was, it wasn't going to be pretty.

I painted on my best resting bitch face and sat into my hip, as the bike stopped before me and the rider turned his head to look at me through the tinted shield of his helmet. I suddenly became uncomfortably aware of the tight black dress and bat wings I donned but didn't falter until the rider pulled off his helmet and I saw that dopey grin I hadn't realized I missed.

"Nice costume. Very spooky." Bellamy Blake smirked, casually sticking his helmet under his arm like some ridiculous supermodel. I was shocked to say the least, with his tousled hair and bright eyes, filled with adrenaline.

"Haha." I rolled my eyes, "I was considering a firefighter costume but figured you wouldn't take it too well."

Bellamy laughed but something about the comment stuck in my head. I said it as if I expected to see him again, which I didn't. Like after one night together we were something more than strangers. Although, we did live about 3 feet away from each other.

"How considerate of you."

Then, just like in my apartment nearly a month ago, we stared at each other in silence. Not in an awkward lull but in a "wow I haven't seen you in a while and you're just as hot as you were then" way. Or maybe in a "one of us is in a leather jacket on a motorcyle and the other is dressed as a sexy bat and human nature compells us to stare and maybe drool a little bit" way.

"So what are you doing out here?" Bellamy asked abruptly, clearing his throat.

"Waiting for a friend to pick me up although, I'm pretty sure she forgot about me. I've been out here for 45 minutes." A slight exaggeration.

"You must be freezing." He frowned, "Here." And he started pulling off his jacket.

"No, no, no. I'm fine." I lied knowing full well that I steadily neared frost bite. More exaggeration but still.

As expected, Bellamy ignored me completely and got off his bike, leaning over me to wrap his thick jacket around my shoulders. Jesus, it was warm and he was so close I could smell his cologne. I avoided looking up at his face just because I knew I'd lose any sense of chill I had gathered since he arrived.

"Where are you going? I can give you a ride." He offered, backing away to my incredible and relieving disappointment.

"A party on Pritchard Drive." I shrugged, "But it's fine, really. I was just gonna to go inside anyway. I didn't really want to go in the first place."

"Oh come on." Bellamy rolled his eyes. "It's Halloween! You can't just sit at home on Halloween, it's a sin."

"The entire holiday is a sin!"

"That's besides the point."

He gave me an almost pleading look and I felt that familiar tug that I was starting to feel every time I looked at him. For a split second I considered running inside and never leaving my apartment again. Something about him terrified me and as badass as I liked to think I was, I wasn't sure I could handle this. Maybe it was the motorcycle or the promise of adventure in his eyes, but something about him made me feel like I was cowering in the dark without a light switch.

"Alright." I sighed, pretending that getting on the back of his motorcycle wasn't the most exciting thing I had done since letting him stay at my apartment for the night. "But if my friend's mad at me for bailing, I'm blaming you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He scoffed, slipping back onto the bike. "Have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?"

"No."

I took a tentative step closer and Bellamy raised an eyebrow, a smile rising on his lips. He tugged on his helmet and lifted the shield.

"Well, you're in for a good time." He out his hand for me to take.

Kids are always told not to get into cars with strangers and this felt like the same thing. I could hear my mom's voice in my head telling me not to trust some crazy who set his kitchen on fire and I had to agree but another voice, surprisingly the voice of my ex-boyfriend, Finn, told me I should take the risk. It was always more fun that way.

I placed my hand in Bellamy's and climbed on, taking care to pull down my dress and shove the passenger helmet onto my head. When I was situated, Bellamy turned with a grin, took my wrists, which were safely nestled in the sleeves of his jacket, and wrapped them around his waist. I thought my heart would leap from my throat.

"Hold on tight." He yelled and with an earth shattering roar, we were off. 


	5. Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls

_***Clarke***_

"To live is to war with trolls."  
-Henrik Ibsen

Turned out, Bellamy, without realizing it, was supposed to me at the same party I was. Or at least that's what he told me. I straight up wouldn't have believed him if it wasn't for the fact that he vigorously high fived the host of the party on the way in. I still had my doubts though. The guy was an asshole but a true dude-bro douchebag. Isn't that what all guys did, whether they knew each other or not? Well either way, I wasn't too mad that Bellamy was there, even if he was bros with Murphy.

We shoved through the crowd together, me first and him right behind me. I had since given his jacket back but it didn't feel that way with him so close to me. It was like being in a bubble of just _him._ God, I hadn't walked into a party with a guy like this since Finn, and the feeling was much different now.

Drinks were thrust into our hands and costumed people of all types greeted us whether we knew them or not. I had never been the best at parties, especially when I had other things to worry about, but being next to Bellamy, with his huge grin and chill attitude, I felt like I could do anything. Most importantly, I could relax.

"What do we do now?" I asked excitedly, getting a rush of adrenaline from out of nowhere. It was like I had been reborn. Every stereotypical party tradition that surrounded me felt like something new and exciting. Even the lopsided beer pong table seemed like an incredible opportunity.

"You haven't been to a lot of parties, have you?"

"Of course I have. What makes you think that?" It wasn't exactly a lie. I had been to plenty of parties. Apparently, I had just been with the wrong people.

Bellamy laughed but didn't reply, instead placing his hand on my lower back and pushing me forward through the crowd. But we didn't get very far when two guys dressed in togas appeared from completely opposite directions and ambushed Bellamy in a storm of yelling and fist bumps.

"Dude, you've gotta see what we cooked up." The taller of the two said, his eyes dilated so much that I wondered if medical attention would be needed for him by the end of the night. "Monty here is a genius."

The second guy, Monty apparently, shrugged modestly. "Formalities. But yeah, you've gotta come see."

Bellamy turned to me instead of answering and I could tell it was time for me to let go. As much as I wanted to stick to him the entire night, I knew I couldn't. It was shocking to realize that Bellamy Blake had a life of his own, one that came before me.

"Go." I smiled, to the delight of the toga boys. "Don't get into too much trouble."

"No promises"

I watched him disappear up the stairs and by some miracle, as soon as he left, Raven appeared down the hall and began screaming my name.

"Clarke, oh my God! Clarke! I'm so sorry!"

"You're kidding, right?" I laughed when we finally reached each other, gesturing to her costume. "A raven? Who are you?"

"Look who's talking" Raven replied with a grin, poking at my droopy wings. "But seriously Clarke, I'm so sorry I didn't pick you up. It was Finn again."

"What happened?" I asked, glancing around to see if he was near. Of course, he wasn't.

"Well, I went to go pick him up and on the phone yesterday he seemed so excited to get out of his house for once but when I knocked on the door he didn't answer, so naturally I snuck inside and he was asleep on the couch with Jeopardy blasting on TV!" Raven frowned, picking at the feathers around her wrists. "He's getting really bad, Clarke."

My stomach plummeted. Finn hadn't been himself for months now and it only seemed to get worse as time went on. Raven and I had tried to help him, but we had our own lives to worry about. The guilt of that rested on both our shoulders.

"But I'm here now." Raven clapped her hands together like she could disperse the worry in the air and I couldn't do anything but allow it. "And you are too, which is another topic in need of discussion." Raven raised an eyebrow. "Who was the guy you were with?"

"My neighbor." I shrugged, "He saw me waiting and gave me a ride"

Raven pursed her lips in an all-knowing way. "Is he single?" I shrugged again and she sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm asking for you, idiot. He's cute, but not my type."

"Oh please, everyone's your type." I scoffed, covering up the blush that threatened to spill onto my cheeks.

"Shut up." Raven groaned, grabbing my hand and leading me down the way she came and into the kitchen. "I need a drink."

Murphy sat on a counter with a group of people around him when we entered. He talked quietly, like he was telling a secret and everyone listened intently. Raven and I skirted around them and settled in the opposite corner.

"He gives me bad vibes" I said, watching the storytelling. He had a smirk on his face now and a chill went up my spine.

"Me too." Raven agreed, rolling her eyes. "He thinks he's such hot shit. I don't know how people actually listen to him."

"How do we know him again?"

"High school. He went to a lot of parties, preaching about who knows what. Had a lot of followers though. Probably because everyone he talked to was drunk."

Bits of memory pushed their way through. Murphy lounging in the back of classrooms and smoking cigarettes behind the school. Screaming at teachers and bullying kids who didn't know any better. There was something else though. A detail that wasn't too clear but made me not hate him as much as I wanted to. I was about to ask Raven about it when his crowd suddenly broke into applause and dispersed, sending a tall blonde guy I had never seen over to us.

"Hey." He smiled at Raven. Typical.

"I'll see you later." I mumbled, slipping through a door into the dim living room. The place was littered with couples making out and smoking and I suddenly felt choked up. What was I supposed to do now?

I launched myself out of the room and into an unfamiliar hallway where all the doors were closed except for one that led into a bathroom. I barricaded myself inside and stood in front of the mirror, gripping each side of the sink like it was the only thing keeping me upright. I didn't look sick or even feel sick. I was just...I didn't even know.

I angrily turned on the faucet and shoved my hands underneath, rubbing them together for no reason. Why couldn't I be like Raven or Bellamy? Why couldn't I just have a good time? I turned the faucet farther. Why did I feel like I was 17 all over again having an anxiety attack in the bathroom? I splattered water up my arms and onto the floor. What was wrong with me? I wrenched the faucet farther than a faucet is supposed to go and water arced magnificently all over me.

"Shit, shit , shit!" I yelled, reaching for a towel or something to cover up the sink. For at least a minute I was blinded by water and reaching for air until I finally shoved the faucet back into place with as much force as I could and the it stopped.

"Jesus Christ" I sighed, wiping water from my eyes. Through the specks of water gracing the mirror, there was the reflection of a dripping wet Clarke Griffin, with smudged eyeliner and a dumb look on her face.

I ground my teeth together and stalked out of the bathroom, ignoring the stares and laughs as I passed. I was so stupid to do this. To get on that goddamn motorcycle and come here when I knew full well that something like this could happen. That I could freak like I always did.

"Clarke!" A voice shouted from behind me. I knew it was Bellamy but I didn't stop. I don't think I could've even if I wanted to. Rage fueled me like a balloon flying around the room when its air has been let out.

I stomped outside and didn't stop walking, even when I realized how cold it was or how I had no idea where I was or how to get home. My eyes burned from the wind and my wet clothes clung to me like ice. I really fucking hated Halloween.

"Clarke, wait." Bellamy said softly, easily catching up to me. My stride had become more of a halfhearted limp by then. He took my shoulder and spun me around to face him. Instead of angry, I just felt empty.

"What happened? Why are you all wet?" He asked, pinching a piece of my soaked hair between his fingertips. I didn't want to explain. I couldn't. I felt like such a child.

"Did I tell you I hate Halloween? Who thinks bats are sexy? I don't."

Bellamy frowned.

"I kind of broke the bathroom sink."

He paused for a moment before nodding firmly. "I have a great idea." He handed me his jacket without a thought and steered me back to where his motorcycle was parked.

"Bellamy, you don't have to-"

"There's this great diner a couple blocks away. I'm not sure if they give free food to customers who've saved people from potential hypothermia, but maybe if we ask, they'll give us three free meals." Bellamy grinned. "Then you'd have the most epic Halloween anyone could ever have. Ever."

"I hate you Bellamy Blake."

"Just get on the motorcyle."


	6. This Ain't aFirst Date,It's an Arms Race

_***Bellamy***_

"It was the nicest thing she could imagine. It made her want to have his babies and give him both of her kidneys."

Rainbow Rowell

Clarke was a mess. I mean, not a bad mess. She just had some makeup around her eyes and her cheeks were a little red, nothing too drastic. At least she formed coherent sentences, which was far more than I expected. Honestly, when I first caught up to her, I figured she'd be a sobbing disaster and let me tell you, I was not good with crying girls. I had an emotional little sister as a witness.

The point is, Clarke proved to be like a rainstorm. Completely unpredictable and shockingly soothing. Something that I didn't need to handle because she could handle herself. I was just the guy with the motorcycle and bad jokes.

And it worked because for some reason, I was everyone's go to guy when something needed to be fixed. I was logical and handy, never over emotional. My whole life, that's how it was. The only problem now? Clarke made me emotional. Not hyperventilating on the floor emotional but racing heart and sweaty palms emotional. I hadn't felt that way about a girl in a long, long time. It was terrifying and relieving all at once. I wasn't a robot.

Anyway, my go to problem solver was always food. It was a simple solution to the worst of problems. Having a bad day? Here's some mac and cheese. Broke up with your boyfriend? Ben and Jerry's, at your service. Got run over by a car? I'm on my way with McDonalds. So of course, when I was faced with a soaking wet blonde on the verge of tears, Everything But the Kitchen Sink immediately came to mind.

"Where are we going?" Clarke yelled when we were halfway there, sitting at an extra long red light. I took the moment to glance back at her and noticed that she didn't look as torn apart as she had been earlier. Good.

"You'll see." I grinned, revving the engine a little more than necessary as the light finally turned.

I'd never taken anyone to this diner before, it had always been just me. Well actually, I had taken Octavia one time when she came for a visit but that didn't count. Now Clarke. She was special. And it probably should've worried me, would've worried me in most circumstances, but it felt right. It was inexplicable.

We launched down the street, the cold October air whipping around us as I turned the corner and maybe went a little too fast because Clarke clutched onto me for dear life. I couldn't help but smile to myself before we slowed to a stop in front of the diner. The neon sign glowed and blinked and I pulled off my helmet.

"Everything But the Kitchen Sink." Clarke read the name with fake suspicion in her voice. I slid off the bike and offered my hand to which she took and I almost considered keeping her hand in mine as we entered but I chickened out at the last second, feeling like I was 12 and on the first date of my life.

Despite the holiday, the diner was filled with its usual occupants, mostly old men that barked and always had a mug of black coffee. The waitresses bustled around balancing unnaturally high stacks of plates and half eaten food while the cooks flipped pans and yelled orders. As soon as we entered I felt warm and some of my jitters went away.

"Hey, darlin'." Marilyn, one of the older waitresses winked as we passed, giving Clarke an approving look.

"Mr. Blake." A regular named Marcus grumbled from his booth, giving me a smirk. "Who's your lady friend?" The other men in seated around him chuckled and whispered while I rolled my eyes. Clarke looked like she was trying to decide whether she wanted to be offended or amused. I just led her forward instead of answering which set the men into a blaze of hoots and jeers.

"Sorry." I said, quickly placing us in a booth far from other people who had potential to embarrass me. "They just like to harass me."

"It's alright. It was actually pretty amusing." Clarke smiled, picking up a menu but keeping her eyes on the vintage decor around us. The glow of the neon lights around us caught in her eyes and I swallowed hard. "How'd you find this place?"

"Destiny" I said mysteriously, remembering the first time I inhabited one of these squeaky vinyl booths. This city used to be so foreign to me and Everything But the Kitchen Sink was the first place I ever felt at home in my life.

"It's family owned." I continued, following her eyes to where they were watching the staff behind the counter. "A husband and wife, pretty old now. Most of their kids moved away except for the cook, Michael. " I was about to go on when Marilyn appeared, snapping her gum and pulling a pen from her apron.

"What can I get you kids?" She asked, giving me an blatant look of "Bellamy Blake is with a girl, who would've thought". Clarke gave me a slightly freaked out look and I ordered quickly for the both of she left I couldn't help sighing in relief and Clarke just laughed.

"They know you pretty well here, huh?" She asked, fiddling absently with the sugar packets that were placed in front of her. Heat rose to my cheeks and I shrugged. I didn't want to admit how much time I spent in this place, especially not to Clarke. "And I'm assuming you don't bring many girls here either."

Clarke kept her eyes on the table but I could see a smile playing on her lips. I wanted to sink under the table and never be seen again but I attempted to act casual about the fact that I wasn't the player everyone assumed me to be.

"You're the first besides my sister." I said and she looked up at that, a spark in her eye. I looked away this time, my stomach doing flips. What was it about Clarke that made me feel like a child again?

Marilyn came back with our drinks, silent this time but I could tell she was dying to say something. Clarke avoided both of us, instead smiling into her drink as she stirred the straw around. God, she was cute. What the hell was I going to do about this? Marilyn coughed a tiny bit before bustling away and I stifled a groan.

"So, you have a sister?" Clarke asked, breaking the tension. I sighed and nodded my head, glad for the excuse to talk about something.

"Her name's Octavia. She's...not like everyone else." I laughed, thinking of my baby sister. "She yells a lot. Very stubborn and doesn't really care about what anyone else thinks. I'd like to say she takes after me but she's much tougher."

"Does she live around here?" Usually when I got that question, it was coming from guys that were interested in her. Seeing Clarke ask so innocently caught me off guard for a second.

"No." I replied, barely hiding the bitterness in my voice. "She lives in Seattle with her boyfriend."

"You don't like that very much." Clarke observed and I shrugged.

"I hate that she's so far away. And the way she acts. Like she's lived there her whole life. Her boyfriend's a good guy but I don't know. I guess I'm so used to taking care of her that it feels weird now that she's an adult. She doesn't need me anymore."

"I know what you mean." Clarke said. "You want to protect everyone when they can protect themselves, leaving you without a purpose. No one to look after except for yourself."

That was exactly how I felt. Like I was lost when there was no one to look after. It made me wonder if I was good for anything else.

"You have siblings?" I asked, wondering how she had summed it up so perfectly. I had always been taking care of everyone else and now they were either gone or had someone else to do it for them. Me? I was alone with my cat.

"No." Clarke shook her head. "But my parents were the same way. So am I, I guess. Always protecting others before myself." She shrugged. "It's not my fault that my friends are idiots and need taking care of."

"Everyone needs someone to look up to." I laughed. "I guess, we're just those people."

"Big responsibility." Clarke replied with a bitter laugh.

"Wish they had put that in the job description. Right next to no free time and an inability to have a normal life."

In that moment, everything seemed to align. Clarke's smile and the costumed kids outside holding plastic jack-o-lanterns. The sizzle of the stove and the shiny red table that separated us for only a few feet. Two months ago I didn't even know I had a neighbor, but now I was trying to decide whether it was normal to bring up love. Not that I loved her. I hadn't loved many things, I barely knew what it felt like. But this feeling in my gut like everything would be fine but not fine at all. It made me question everything.

"Bellamy?" Clarke asked and I flinched at the sound of her voice.

"What?" I said, searching her face for something wrong that I somehow didn't notice.

She laughed a little and I relaxed. "I'm gonna go wash the makeup off my face. I'll be right back."

I watched her go and wondered what I should do about this whole thing. I didn't know a thing about real dating. My version of dating was 1. See cute girl 2. Hope cute girl thinks I'm cute too 3. Sex. And that had been fine for so many years but now it just felt like a dead end. Something to settle on.

"Just get through tonight." Marilyn said, appearing beside me like a ghost with a knowing expression. "I know what you're thinking but don't get ahead of yourself. She'll be worth the wait."

I was screwed. How was I supposed to be the guy who fixed everything when I didn't even know how to fix my own love life? Not that it was broken. Right?


	7. Thanksgiving Is a Conspiracy

_***Bellamy***_  
"The meeting of two personalities is like the meeting of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."  
C.G. Jung

I had never really had a proper Thanksgiving. To be honest, I didn't even know what a real Thanksgiving was.

At the Blake household, it was just another day. Mom worked and I worked and Octavia stayed scarce. And then at night, when we all gathered around our little kitchen table, tired and beaten down, Mom cooked whatever was in the cabinets and told the same stories she told every night.

And it wasn't like I felt deprived. Who was I to complain about a holiday based solely on food and hostile birds? I still had the other holidays. What else did a kid need?

O and I discussed it every year. How we were adults now and we could have Thanksgiving if we really wanted to. But the thing is, we didn't want to. All of our turkey dreams included our mother and she died years ago. So we made hand turkeys and drank a lot.

The problem I faced now, was that Clarke probably _did_ have a proper Thanksgiving. Every year, I bet. I could just see it, her, sitting at the end of a long, mahogany table, carving a turkey and chuckling with all the faceless people that filled the seats around her.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Octavia replied when I ranted all of this to her over the phone an hour before our date was scheduled. "Were you even listening to her the other night?"

"Of course I was listening!" I yelled, immediately covering my mouth afterwards and glancing towards my closed apartment door, expecting Clarke to slam through it. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Octavia sighed and I heard her mumble something that I couldn't hear, presumably to Lincoln. "She's not normal, Bell. Remember that."

Before I could even try and reply to that, Lincoln came on the line.  
"Hey man, don't stress. You're good at coming up with cool shit to do. Just relax and forget about Thanksgiving."

"I forgot about Thanksgiving."

Clarke snorted and gave me a look like I was actually insane. "You what?"

We strolled towards the heart of the city and before this, I had felt pretty good about myself. At 6 on the dot, I knocked on Clarke's door looking as date like as I could without giving off the vibe that this was a date, because it obviously wasn't, and the whole affair went pretty smoothly. Execpt for when I gaped at her for like five minutes because she was gorgeous and I was an idiot, but I just pretended that it didn't happen. And afterwards, we left and began our mysterious walk because I wouldn't tell her where we were going. I felt like I didn't know either.

"I worded that wrong." I replied quickly, wanting to kick myself. "I meant that when I was thinking about what we could do, I made myself forget that it's Thanksgiving. Like the holiday doesn't matter."

Clarke stared at me blankly and my stomach dropped through my feet and into the cement. Until she laughed and it came back up and burst through the top of my head like a goddamn firework.

"I know what you mean. I never liked the traditional Thanksgiving either."

"Really?"

Clarke shrugged. "I always thought it was kind of boring. And when my dad died it was just sad, you know?"

"Yeah. Like what's the point when you don't have the whole family, right?"

"Exactly." She nodded and we fell into a shockingly comfortable silence. This wasn't a date but if it was, it would be the most casual date I had eever been on. It was like hanging out with Octavia but without the constant harassment. And I didn't want to kiss my sister. I didn't want to kiss Clarke either, of course, but-

"Are you ever gonna tell me where we're going?" Clarke asked, suddenly cutting off my thoughts.

"Well, in about a minute, you'll find out." I smiled, scanning the street ahead of us. "And no, unfortunately, there will not be any turkeys."

I found the secret passage to the Ark Theatre about a year ago. I was never really into plays or anything but back then I spent the majority of my nights racing through quiet streets looking for trouble and the Ark was just another hole I poked through. And it became one of my favorites, mainly because there weren't any druggies living inside.

For such an esteemed building, you'd think they would close their windows all the way, especially in the winter, but I found that the one I always used, the one right above the fire escape, was always open just the slightest. Like it was waiting to be slipped through. That first night, I tiptoed up the rickety stairs of the fire escape until I reached the window before it, then explored the dark dressing rooms and stage of the Ark. That night, a show had been in process when I snuck in, but on Thanksgiving, there was no doubt that it would be empty.

"I don't think this is legal." Clarke's whisper sounded more like a yell in the dim dressing room we had just tumbled into.

"It's definitely not."

Through the dark I could see the hint of a smile on her lips. "Happy Thanksgiving."

The shadows of cluttered tables and tall mirrors loomed around us. The place seemed to be out of use, as everything was covered in dust. I was always careful not to touch anything in case someone happened to venture up here and check that everything was in its place, but Clarke began picking objects off the table closest to her and I couldn't bring myself to stop her.

"This is kind of awesome." She said under her breath, twisting a hand mirror under the light coming from the window. She carefully blew onto the glass and dust flew in all directions.

"But wait, there's more." I walked across the room to the door. Just like the window, it always remained unlocked and never made a sound when in use. I slowly pulled it open and slipped through into an even darker hallway with Clarke close behind.

After so long, I knew exactly where to go from there, even in the dark, but Clarke wasn't faring so well. When I glanced back, she was mumbling to herself with her head down and hands on either wall.

"Clarke." I laughed, lifting her chin with my fingertips. "Give me your hand."

From there we walked hand in hand through the quiet Ark Theater. And as many times as I had crept through these corridors, I never felt so on as edge as I did then, with her cold hand wrapped in my clammy one. It felt like every step was leading up to something big, like a grande finale. When we finally made it to the balconies that overlooked the stage, I expected a great symphony to start playing for us. Damn, what a missed opportunity.

"And here, we have the VIP seats as I call them, which actually aren't seats at all." I paused. "But you could've figured that out yourself."

Clarke stopped beside me and gazed at the tight space we stood in. Velvet drapes lined the entrance and a grand carpet filled the area. At the end, a worn wood railing closed off the balcony. She stepped up to it and traced the gold detailing with her fingertip.

"This is my second favorite place to go." I said casually, pretending to study the empty seats below. Clarke gave my hand a squeeze and I thought I might fall over the edge.

"What's your favorite then?" She asked quietly. I grinned through the dark, my eyes landing on the stage.

"I always wanted to be an actress."

Clarke and I laid on our backs in the middle of the sprawling stage, hands still clasped together.

"Oh really?"

She laughed and shook her head. "I know, it was stupid. I played a tree in my schools production of Wizard of Oz that _one_ time and thought I was a star."

"A tree? Wow, you must've really stole the show."

"Shut up!" She rolled to her side and punched my shoulder.

"Sorry your royal treeness." I replied, putting my free hand up in surrender.

Clarke returned to her back with a grin. "You're an asshole."

"That's what I've been told."

After a few moments of silence, Clarke releases my hand and sits up, a crease between her eyebrows. I have to blink a few times to see her clearly through the dark.

"But seriously, Bellamy, thank you for bringing me here. This is unlike any Thanksgiving I've ever had."

I sat up too, glad the dark would hide the heat rising on my face. "It's no biggie." I shrugged.

"No, it is." She continued, pulling our hands in between us. I stared at them for a minute, mostly because I was terrified to look up at her. "Sorry," she laughed, "that got real serious."

"No, no serious is good." I stopped breathing when I realized what I said. What it implied. Clarke must've noticed it to because she ducked her head just like I had done.

"I mean, only if you want to. Be serious. You know. Because I'm fine with anything, I'm just going with the flow. I'm-"

"Bellamy." She said quietly, her hand reaching up to touch my face. All the words that had been falling from my mouth disappeared and so did my brain. Everything was gone. It was just Clarke. God, her eyes were so blue I thought I'd drown in them.

I didn't tell myself to lean forward or close my eyes or press my lips to hers. It just happened like it was supposed to all along. The blood that rushed in my ears almost sounded like an orchestra playing a crescendo. And when she pulled away, I felt like I did when the show was over. Like I wanted more but could die happy that it happened.


	8. I Said No, No, No

_***Clarke***_

"Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you."

-Veronica Roth

It took almost three months for Raven and I to realize Finn was sick. And it took even longer for us to realize that he abused drugs. In reality, they were basically the same thing.

Things were a lot different then. Me and Raven weren't as close, although we probably would've said differently. I worked more often, barely trudging through each day. That's why I never noticed that anything was wrong. But most important, there was no Bellamy. And I realized that that made all the difference.

"We should've done this months ago." I admitted as Raven slid into the driver's side of her beat up pickup truck. The one that we hauled Finn to rehab in. I doubted getting the smell of sweat and alcohol out of the seats would be easy.

"I told you so." Raven replied without a bit of amusement in her voice. How could she when her ex was a druggie who was admitted three months too late? I felt awful but we both knew there was nothing to be done to fix it.

"How was it in there?"

While I filled out the paper work with Finn, Raven took a tour around the facility. It looked promising on the brochure but when we pulled up it seemed more like a prison than anything else.

"Better than we thought." The truck started up with a rumble and Raven turned to back out. "The staff seems nice. Patients are a mess but I didn't expect much from rehab." When we were pulled safely into the parking lot and headed back into the city, Raven finally looked me in the eyes, the first time since we brought Finn inside. "How was he?"

It was hard enough grabbing Finn from his home and surprising him with rehab, but it was even worse to find that he had no reaction at all. The entire car ride there was silent, with Finn curled in a ball in the backseat like a child. I felt like I was taking a kid from his family or maybe a corpse from it's place of death.

"Broken." I sighed, his pale face flashing through my head. It was like he wasn't there anymore, the light gone from his eyes. Trying to talk to him was like talking to a stranger. I didn't recognize the bruises under his eyes or the tremors in his hands.

Raven took a shaky breath and I knew she'd keep it together. She had this entire time. It was her who suggested rehab and her who visited him once a week so that he took care of himself. The guilt of it weighed on me because I wasn't there at all. Only to sign the paperwork.

"Well, he has to get better soon." She said, clenching the steering wheel in her fists. "That's why he's there."

"Right." I nodded, agreeing with her but still feeling awful. I needed to do more for him. I should've been there. But the answer was clear as soon as I thought it. If I didn't do it then I could do it now.

"Am I dropping you at home?" Raven asked after a few minutes of quiet. She began fiddling with the radio and I knew she was better. Ready to talk about other things.

"No, Everything But the Kitchen Sink. I told you where it was, right?"

Raven broke into a grin. "Don't deflect me with directions. That's Bellamy's diner. You're going to see Bellamy!"

"Well, we are kinda sorta dating." I shrugged, staring out the window to hide my smile. The car lurched to a stop at a light and I thought Raven would hit me by the loo on her face.

"Oh please. You're basically in love."

"Oh my God!" I laughed, "It's only been a few weeks."

Raven shrugged innocently and moved the car forward until the light turned again. We were so close to the restaurant I considered getting out and walking to avoid anymore harrassment.

"If we count Halloween it's been over a month."

"Dear Lord." I reached over and turned up the radio, ignoring Raven's cackling.

It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about Bellamy. God, that's _all_ I wanted. But with Raven, things were different, especially after what we had just done. Our relationships had been crossed for so long that I wanted to finally escape. Maybe Raven thought the same thing because her face slowly dropped.

"Does he know about Finn?" That red light couldn't have gone any longer.

"No."

"So, he has no idea where you're coming from?" She didn't ask it in an accusing way. Just curious, like she was trying to understand. I swallowed hard.

"No."

Raven sucked in a breath and nodded. The light finally flashed green and we glided forward and around the corner, where Everything But the Kitchen Sink gleamed. I couldn't be happier to see a diner in my life.

"Clarke." Raven put her hand on my arm before I could get out. I met her eyes and wondered when we had become this. Friends but not friends at all. When did I start hiding things from people? Hiding from myself?

"I'll tell him."

That's all I said before getting out and entering the diner and I hoped she understood what it meant. That I wasn't throwing Finn under the rug or giving up on him. I was going to fix things. And it took everything in me to place Finn in the back of my mind when I spotted Bellamy in our corner booth and he smiled like I was the greatest thing he'd seen all day. I would tell him. Just not right now.


	9. Who's Crazy Now?

_***Bellamy***_

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable...To be alive is to be vulnerable."

-Madeline L'Engle

I thought Clarke was going to murder me. Well, not _actually_ , but the signs were all stacking up. Her nerves and quietness, which had been massively present for the past two days, but more importantly, the fact that she was leading me to an abandoned building in the middle of the night. It was 10:30, but still. It was creepy that she claimed to have a surprise for me on a quiet city block on a Wednesday night.

"Almost there." Clarke said, seemingly more to herself than me. If she walked any faster she would be running. I was dying to say something, to stop her or even just have her explain, but I couldn't push the words out. I trusted Clarke wholly. Why should I doubt her?

Oh right, because the place she led us to was of all things decrepit.

"Clarke, what the hell is this?" I sighed as she came to a stop before the rusty entrance. The bricks around us were covered in grafitti and the alley next door smelled vaguely of vomit. I really wasn't in the mood to fight off muggers.

She turned suddenly and her face held every emotion at once. I couldn't tell if she was about start sobbing, laughing, or punching me in the face. Had I been dating a psychopath for the past month or was I just missing something? Maybe both.

"I haven't been telling you the truth." She frowned. "Well, sort of. I haven't been telling you everything. About me. I guess."

"Is this when you reveal that you're an axe murderer and have been planning on axe murdering me this whole time?" Damn my sarcastic coping methods.

Clarke shook her head, retreating back to nervousness. "Let's just go in, then I'll explain."

I doubtfully followed as she unlocked the massive door and led us up a rickety set of stairs. They reminded me of the fire escape at the Ark and I briefly wondered if this was how it was for Clarke on Thanksgiving. Maybe I should've had more faith in her like she had in me then.

At the top of the stairs was another door. Clarke glanced back to give me a lopsided smile before shoving it open. And let me tell you, it was not what I was expecting. At all.

"Holy shit." I breathed, pausing in the doorway only because I couldn't get myself to go any farther. The room before me could only be described as cavernous. Its high ceilings and spotted floor reminded me that I was still within an abandoned factory but the rest almost convinced me otherwise. There were couches and armchairs and posters and rugs, trinkets everywhere that gleamed in the light that shone through the wall of windows on the right side. A huge light up board stood just outside, setting a blueish glow within the entire space.

In the middle of it all was Clarke, kicking magazines under furniture and straightening out blankets, seeming both bigger and smaller at once. I suddenly wouldn't have minded if she murdered me here. It felt almost magical.

"What is all this?" I asked, coming to the conclusion that Clarke wasn't going to be the first one to talk. And there was plenty of talking to do.

"I found the building when it was being taken apart. The company that owned it was taking out all of the equipment and whatever else was in it and I watched, mainly because I liked how the building looked." The ghost of a smile appeared. "It wasn't so run down back then.

"But anyway, as I watched them, the owner of the building noticed me and asked if I was interested in using it. The guy was loaded so he had no intention of selling the place completely and apparently I looked like a good candidate for renting."

"So you said yes." I continued for her, taking another look around the room. How long had she had this place? The amount of character in it made me think it had been awhile. If she didn't live across the hall I would've assumed she lived here.

"Exactly. For what reason, I have no idea. I didn't need this space but it just felt right, you know. I had enough stuff to fill it and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made. It's my favorite place."

That much was obvious. It could've been the light of the billboard outside but she seemed to glow in a way I had never seen before. Like there had been a wall up this whole time and it finally came down.

"Thank you. For bringing me here."

Clarke smiled and came closer, taking my hand between hers. "There's a bit more I'm afraid."

"I knew you were a serial killer." I joked. Surprisingly, I didn't dread the fact that there was more I didn't know. I was actually relieved. Excited because I _wanted_ to know this stuff. I wanted all of her.

She led me over to a piano, which for some reason I hadn't noticed before. It sat right in front of the windows and if you looked out, you could see all the glittering city lights. We sat down and Clarke raised the cover on the keys, sliding her fingers over them like she was about to play. She didn't.

"I feel like I've been cutting you off. From me, I guess." She said quietly, keeping her eyes on the piano. "I'm not very good at talking about myself or my life, mostly because it doesn't seem important. But, a lot of it is important. And it's stuff that you should know. That I want you to know, because you're important too."

Clarke placed her fingers on the keys and pressed down. The sound vibrated through the whole room and right into my chest, like when fireworks go off. It was exactly how I felt. Like everything in me was opening up after being closed for a long, long time.

"So I want to tell you everything. Or at least, everything you want to know." She smiled. "But the first thing is, a couple days ago, when we met at the diner, I wasn't shopping with Raven before. We were actually dropping off our friend, well ex-boyfriend, at rehab. He has a drug addiction and I finally gave in to getting him help. For months I'd been so afraid of facing what was happening and I just couldn't bring myself to do anything about it." She finally met my eyes and there was something new in them. Determination. "But I'm ready now. I wanna stop being afraid."

"Me too."

She began playing, a song I'd never heard before but made chills run down my spine. "Have you ever played?"

"No." I shook my head. I always wanted to play an instrument but never had the money or time. I doubted I'd be very good anyway.

"My dad used to play a lot when I was younger." Clarke said "Here." She picked up my hand and arranged my fingers so that they were splayed across the keys. Then, she laid her hand on top of mine and began playing again.

"I'm a natural." I laughed, watching as she nailed Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."Surprise, I'm actually a musical prodigy."

"Haha." Clarke rolled her eyes, bumping her shoulder into mine. I turned my hand over and laced my fingers through hers.

Suddenly, it became increasingly clear how close together we were, with our hands intertwined and our hips pressed against each other. I could hear my heart ramming through my entire body and feel her hair against my face.

"Is there anything else you wanna tell me?" I murmured, brushing a kiss against her jaw.

"I've been seeing our cats suspiciously together around the building lately." She replied, quiet enough that her words didn't register completely at first. "I think they have a thing."

"Our cats have a thing?" I laughed, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to me. Clarke laughed and slung her arms around my neck.

"Yup. And lastly, that couch over there is incredibly comfortable. Wanna give it a try?"


	10. We Need A Little Christmas

_***Clarke***_

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time."

-Abraham Lincoln

I woke up a little bit before 3 with Bellamy's heartbeat right under my ear. He was sound asleep and I couldn't help but watch for a moment as his chest slowly rose and fell. And even when I heaved myself onto my side, nearly on top of him, only his eyelashes fluttered. Apparently I was right when I said this couch was comfortable.

The room was just the tiniest bit darker than when I last remembered, the blue light outside still brightly shining through the windows. Waking up here always felt calming but with Bellamy beside me, it was like heaven. I could almost imagine that there was no one else in the world but us.

"Clarke." Bellamy rasped, clumsily tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. His eyes were bleary and barely open and I couldn't help but grin. "What's happening?"

"Nothing, Bell. Go back to sleep."

He nodded his curly head and his eyes drifted closed once more. Together we let out a breath and his arms tightened around me. "Clarke."

"Yes?" I chuckled into his chest, barely able to keep my eyes open any longer.

"It's snowing."

And it was. Fluffy flakes of white strayed past the windows. I wondered how long it had been snowing and as my mind wandered off to sleep, I imagined playing in the snow with Bellamy Blake and not even feeling the cold.

 _ ***Bellamy***_

I was a terrible packer. Like truly horrendous. It was a wonder I had even made it this far in life, much less traveled anywhere. I imagined Clarke would be scolding me if she was here, making me fold my clothes and organize them by color or something. Somehow, the thought gave me more motivation to at least not ball up my clothes and stuff them in the corners of my suitcase.

Clarke had only been gone for a day, but it felt like a week to me. I had to stop myself from calling her every hour and the only way to do that was to distract myself. So, I did everything I could. I watched Netflix and read books and took walks. I even spent a good fifteen minutes conversing with my cat, hoping to contain myself. My only saving grace was that in less than 24 hours, I would be on a plane to Seattle. Then, Octavia could bother me plenty.

"Don't give me that look." I glared at Murphy, who sat in the doorway of my bedroom judging me. Yes, it's true, cats can judge. "You're just mad because your cat girlfriend is gone."

Murphy gave me a look that seemed to say, "You shouldn't be talking, dipshit."

Suddenly, there was a knock on my front door. Murphy blinked slowly and slunk away, making me temporarily wonder if my cat was evil/possessed. And then I remembered the door.

"Coming!" I yelled, jogging to the door and opening it to find Murphy. The real one.

"Merry Christmas." He smirked.

"What are you doing here?" I ground out, keeping myself from slamming the door in his face. I hadn't seen Murphy since Halloween, if that even counted since I ignored his every attempt to talk to me.

"Aren't you going to invite me in? How's my little buddy doing?"

"I'm fine." I rolled my eyes, not making a move to let him in.

Murphy returned the eye roll, swiping snow out of his hair. "I meant the cat." Jesus Christ, I really needed a vacation. When I didn't move, Murphy sighed. "Fine, I'll just tell you then."

"Tell me what?"

"There's an offer in Seattle. An upstanding guy, good business. Close to Octavia." Murphy picked at his nails as if this all bored him terribly. "Says you'd be perfect. He's dying to have you."

"I'm not interested." I said, shaking my head. "Besides, didn't I tell you I was done making deals with you?"

Murphy shrugged and I wanted to punch that amused look right off his face. "You're never done making deals with me, Bell. You owe me."

"Not anymore."

He shook his head. "You should think about it. Shit's going down the drain around here and not even your little blonde fairy can fix it."

I was seconds away from beating in Murphy's face when he sauntered away, leaving me shaking in the doorway. He was such an asshole, I couldn't even think straight.

I slammed the door shut and leaned back against it, feeling like all the air was just taken from my lungs. I didn't even want to think about what he was saying, much less understand it. I wasn't leaving this city, especially without Clarke.

Murphy the cat slipped into the room once more, giving me an appraising look. "Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I lost that bet." I grumbled, "The name suits you."


	11. Coming Out of the Closet

_***Clarke***_

"Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart."

\- Charles Dickens

"Clarke, you're stepping on my foot."

"Ow!" I whispered, leaning into a particularly sharp clothes hanger.

"Shit, sorry."

"It's very dark in here."

"That was kinky." Bellamy moved my hand from his neck to his cheek. "And I'm right here."

Originally, the idea of making out in my closet on New Year's Eve was brilliant. A true step forward in our relationship. We would escape the antics of our friends and have a steamy sesh surrounded by coats. Of course, it didn't really work out like that.

"Here," I said, pulling him forward. "Lips. Kiss."

"Demanding, I like it." Bellamy chuckled, pressing his lips to mine. Now that was more like it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and arched into him, tugging at the bottoms of his curls. His hands slid over my lower back and crushed me to him.

It was safe to say that since showing him the Warehouse, Bellamy and I had been closer than ever. It was impossible not to be when we lived so close and spent so much time together. Whenever we could, we were together, whether we were having a date night or just sitting in my living room. And every minute of it was new and exciting and altogether terrifying.

"Clarke." Bellamy sighed against my mouth, raising goosebumps on my arms. Best. Idea. Ever.

"You have got to be kidding me." The closet door burst open and Raven stood with her hands on her hips, looking incredulous. "Clarke, this is the most cliche thing you've ever done. I'm so proud and so disappointed."

"Jesus Christ." I jumped away from Bellamy who put his hands in the air like Raven had a gun and was aimed to shoot.

"Oh my God." Raven laughed, shaking her head and turning back into the kitchen. "You guys are priceless."

When she was out of sight, I looked at Bellamy. "Good while it lasted?" He offered with a shrug and a smile.

"We'll reconvene." I nodded, straightening out my dress before pecking him on the cheek and returning to the living room.

It wasn't the best party I'd ever thrown but it definitely could've been worse. Along with Raven, there was Jasper and Monty from the Halloween party months ago, Octavia and Lincoln on Skype, although they tended to go off screen every few minutes, and Finn, who was on temporary leave from rehab. According to his doctors, he was doing much better, enough that he was trusted to leave. And against all odds, I believed them.

"How're you doing?" I asked, plopping onto the couch beside him.

"Dandy." Finn replied with a genuine smile, the first I'd seen in over a year. "I never realized how boring the New Year's special was."

"Me neither. It's probably because we're usually drunk when we watch it."

"Sorry about that, by the way." Finn said sheepishly, tapping his fingers on his Diet Coke can. "I told Raven it was fine but she insisted."

"It is fine." I assured him, bumping my shoulder into his. "It's for the better anyway. We don't need any repeats of two years ago."

Finn laughed, stealing a glance at Raven. "I still have the scar from when she fell down the stairs."

That was just another memory that prodded at my heart. A reminder of how things used to be. Terrible and wonderful all at once. Who knew we'd actually grow up?

"I know right." Finn said, noticing my shock. "We've come pretty far, haven't we?"

Across the room, I watched Bellamy and Raven laugh over some joke I couldn't hear and Monty yelling into my computer monitor at Octavia who was blowing loudly on a kazoo and Jasper on the floor with Princess and for some reason Murphy.

"I'm glad you're better, Finn." I smiled. "Welcome home."

Ironically, an hour later, the six of us, eight if you included my computer, sat in a circle on my living room floor telling secrets like teenagers. No one really knew how it happened but we all agreed that it was too hilarious to stop.

"Alright, let's ask the question everyone's been wondering." Octavia grinned, her face much too close to the camera. "How did your first kiss happen?"

Raven raised her hand, a grin threatening to burst on her lips. "Me and this kid, let's call him Finn, worked at Toys R Us when I was 16."

Everyone looked to Finn whose eyes were wide and he shook his head. "It wasn't me."

"Anyway," Raven continued, "We worked nights and as you can imagine there wasn't much to do at Toys R Us on a Wednesday night so..."

"Wait, you said you were 16. What about him?" Bellamy pointed out to everyone's delight. Raven shrugged but a light blush rose on her cheeks.

"He might've been in college."

"Raven!" Everyone yelled, even Octavia whose voice became staticky and broken in the process.

"Your first kiss was with a college guy in a Toys R Us?" I laughed.

"Yup. True story."

A few more stories were shared, including Bellamy's, who revealed that his first kiss happened when he was 12 to everyone's shock. And then, it was ten minutes before midnight and everyone stood around waiting.

"You never told your story." Bellamy said, wrapping an arm around my waist. For the first time since the closet, we were alone and it felt like I could finally breathe easy again.

"Not much of a story." I shrugged, "I was 14, we went to summer camp together."

"Summer camp?" He laughed, "How romantic."

"That's it, really. We kissed in the woods and then never spoke about it again."

"At least tell me his name." Bellamy whined, sticking out his lower lip. I rolled my eyes but obliged.

"Her name was Eliza."

Bellamy's eyes widened. "Well that was unexpected." He laughed and I punched him in the ribs.

"Shit." He frowned suddenly, pulling his phone out of his pocket. It vibrated in his hand and I couldn't see who was calling but from Bellamy's face it must've been someone he didn't want to talk to. He stuffed his phone back into his pocket and squeezed me against him.

"Who was that?"

"No one." He replied, keeping his eyes on the TV screen. "Look, the balls about to drop."

The ten second countdown began. Everyone in the room began yelling, including Octavia and Lincoln even though they were a few hours behind in Seattle. And when we reached one, I looked up at Bellamy who was already looking at me.

I'd never had a New Year's kiss, or at least not one that mattered. This year, I finally did.


	12. N4rd

_***Bellamy***_

"What Is Love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul"

\- Victor Hugo

We had no idea how we made it to the bookshop but I think we were both glad we did. Maybe it was our boredom that led to our wandering the cloudy city streets or maybe it was the ominous thunder storm that broke over our heads and sent us running to wherever we could stay dry. Maybe it was destiny.

"Destiny?" Clarke scoffed after we settled down and started perusing the aisles. "I think it was just the first store we saw."

"Maybe." I shrugged, "But what about all the other stores around it? Why was this one the first we saw and not any of the others?"

"Probably because next door to this is a gym, which is gross, and a Starbucks and you don't like coffee."

I sighed and pulled a book from its shelf, pretending to read its synopsis when really I just watched Clarke over the top of it. "I suppose."

"Or you're just trying to hide your love of bookstores with some crap about fate." Clarke suggested, peeking at me over her shoulder.

"Why would I hide my love of bookstores?" I exclaimed, throwing up my hands and backing further down the row.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Because you're a weirdo." She reached out to poke me in the chest but I jumped back before she could, wagging my finger.

"Are you saying you don't like books?" I asked incredulously, putting a hand over my heart. "Because if so I don't think we can be friends." Clarke slid the book she held into its place on the shelf then walked forward toward me.

"You caught me." She grinned as my back hit a shelf and she closed the space between us. Our noses nearly touched and I leaned in for a kiss but before I could she reached past me, grabbed a book, and skipped off.

"Wow," I yelled after her, "that was low, Griffin. Real low."

It was still down pouring as I wandered out into the rest of the bookstore. It was all I could hear, even over the soft music playing throughout the store. But even so, the place was basically empty if you didn't count the cashier, who was ironically reading a book.

"How long has this place been here?" I asked, scanning the crowded shelves and low ceiling. It seemed old and worn, but also could've been built just yesterday and I wouldn't have known.

"As long as I can remember." The girl replied. She couldn't have been any older than 17. "I've only worked here six months but I used to come here as a kid all the time."

"I can see why."

Clarke was right. I was a weirdo, obsessed with dusty bookstores. But I might've just found my new favorite place.

"The best stuff is in the closet in the back." The girl pointed to the back corner of the store with a conspiratorial smile.

"Thanks." I grinned, nearly sprinting to find Clarke and get to the closet. I weaved through every densely packed row but they all remained empty and seemingly untouched, until I reached the far wall. Right in the middle was a peeling red door that stood ajar. If I didn't know any better I might've guessed that it was an entrance to Narnia.

I crept past the door and into a dim room. To be fair, it was a closet, but a fairly large one, filled floor to ceiling with vintage books. And in the center of it all was Clarke.

"Funny seeing you here." She said without turning around, her fingers skimming over the spines of the books.

"Yeah, I didn't know you liked books." I replied, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my chin on her shoulder. Clarke laughed and leaned her head back.

"We all make sacrifices."

The shelves we stood before were stuffed with books of all kinds. Different sizes, ages, colors. Some were even in different languages and I restrained myself from picking them all out and paging through them for hours. Although, one did stand out to me.

"Oh my God." I gasped, breaking away from Clarke to pull a tall, blue book from the shelf. I hadn't seen it in years but holding it in my hands made it feel like yesterday.

It was a children's storybook of Greek and Roman myths. I felt Clarke peek over my shoulder as I flipped it open and began leafing through. The faded illustrations suddenly made me feel like I was a kid again, gaping at my mom as she read my favorite stories.

"My mom used to read this to me and Octavia every night when we were younger." I explained quietly, stopping on a page I knew so well that it was nearly imprinted in my brain. "Did I ever tell you that I named Octavia?"

Clarke gasped as I ran my fingers over the drawing of King Augustus and his sister Octavia. "Of course you named your little sister after a book character." She laughed.

"It was my favorite." I argued, remembering the delight in Mom's eyes when I picked it. "And Octavia's too when she was old enough."

"I think that's adorable." Clarke planted a kiss on my shoulder. We stood for a moment longer, gazing at the old book until Clarke's phone rang.

"Oh, it's Raven." She said, putting the phone up to her ear. I glanced back down at my book, wondering if I should send Octavia a picture. Or better yet, send the book itself. Her birthday was coming soon...

"No." Clarke whispered, "no, no, no!" By the third "no" she was shrieking.

I don't remember dropping the book or grabbing Clarke's wrists. Only the tears on her face and the crack in her voice when she told me that Finn overdosed. He didn't make it.


	13. Said and Done

_***Clarke**_ _*_

"You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not."

\- Jodi Picoult

They said it was suicide. That he must've stolen the pills from the facility. They said nothing could've been done. He was too far gone. Too sick.

It was such bullshit. All of it. Even two weeks after, I felt a mix of anger and guilt that had me unable to do...anything. He could've been helped. I could've helped. Right?

Bellamy didn't think so. Just like everyone else, he assured me that it wasn't my fault, that Finn decided and there was nothing we could do. And I wanted to believe him, I really did. Finn didn't though. His empty eyes from that day we dropped him off reminded me that I didn't do enough.

"You look nice." I told Bellamy from my bed as he stood in front of the mirror, straightening out his suit jacket.

"You too." He replied with a tight lipped smile. I hadn't had the courage to get dressed yet, so I still laid in bed in my pajamas, the black dress hanging ominously from my closet.

"I couldn't clean up Princess vomit in a dress." I shrugged, glaring pointedly at my cat who had thrown up early this morning, an event that was becoming more and more frequent.

"Of course not." Bellamy sighed, collapsing onto the bed beside me. I rolled onto my side and tugged at his tie, only so I wouldn't have to remember what he was all dressed up for. "We should take her to the vet. Maybe tomorrow."

"We could do it tonight."

Bellamy gave me a look that said he knew what I was doing and he wasn't buying it. "I don't think that's the best idea."

I sighed heavily and sat up, running a hand through my hair. I was about to put a boy I loved in the ground. As much as I pretended to be ok, I wasn't. Princess would have to wait.

"I should get dressed."

St. Patrick's church was like any other church I had been in. High ceilings, stained glass windows, and a vague sense of gloominess. I think it was candles. Or the occasion.

The service lasted about an hour but I didn't really listen. Not when the priest spoke about Finn as if he knew him or when Raven told some story I vaguely remembered from years ago. Really, I couldn't focus on anything. It was too hard when his smiling picture stood at the altar and snow drifted past the windows and the empty pews were quieter than if I was there by myself. The only thing that reminded me that I wasn't the dead one was Bellamy squeezing my hand every few minutes.

When it was over, we all trudged outside and stood on the freezing marble steps. Raven had to handle Finn's ashes, as it was too cold to dig any holes in the cemetery, so Bellamy, my mom, and I waited. We were the only ones there. No family or friends. I had a feeling Finn didn't imagine his funeral to be like this. I didn't either. And it made me wonder what mine would look like when it happened.

"I'm sad that I had to meet you this way, Bellamy." Mom said suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I wish I could've come down sooner but I've been so busy."

"Clarke tells me you're a doctor."

The two began chatting and I spaced out once more, staring out into the street. Cars passed, pedestrians walked, and I remained. For a second, I even thought I saw him, nestled in an alley looking right at me. I wanted to follow him. To try and save him.

"Clarke," Raven came up behind me and grabbed my hand, gesturing for Bellamy and Mom to head to their cars. "don't beat yourself up about this because I already know you are. It wasn't your fault. Not yours or mine or anybody's." She squeezed my hand tight "The only thing you're going to do is stick yourself in a bad place and Finn wouldn't want that."

I stared up at the clouds for a moment, contemplating her words. The entire sky was white and I imagined poking a hole through it and letting some sunlight through. That's what he would've wanted. For the first time in two weeks, I managed something that resembled a smile.

"We'll be ok." I hadn't said it yet like everyone else had but this time I meant it. It was true.


	14. She Said She Said

_***Bellamy***_

"People do look different when you fall out of love with them."

\- Jessica Thompson

Valentine's Day was in a little over a week and I was freaking out. Apparently holidays just really weren't my forte.

It wasn't that I didn't know what to get Clarke. I could think of plenty of presents and dates to make the both of us happy. I guess it was just the fact that I'd never had a significant other on Valentine's Day. Like ever. No candy valentines when I was a kid or even pathetic, lonely hookups. And it had never occurred to me that this was odd until Clarke came along.

"I was kind of a player." Clarke admitted with a laugh, throwing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it with her mouth.

"So cocky." I replied, pretending that this information didn't make me feel like a complete dork.

We were in the packed sitting area of the local movie theater, contemplating what to do with ourselves. After seeing an incredibly lame movie, we needed something to redeem the night, especially considering it was barely 9 o'clock. Although, I had a feeling that we both wouldn't mind going back home and just sleeping.

"Well, its true!" She exclaimed, "I had a new guy every other week. The only person worse than me was Raven."

"That I can believe."

"That was before we were friends though." Clarke's smile slowly vanished and I understood what she really wanted to say. _Before Finn._

"Well I was a dork in high school." I said, pulling her out of the sad thoughts I knew were swirling through her head.

"Oh please, you were ROTC. Isn't that where all the badasses are?"

"God no." I shook my head, remembering the stiff uniforms and false feeling of pride. "That's where all the assholes are. They think they're all high and mighty because they can do more push ups than anyone else." I rolled my eyes. "Besides, I got kicked out, remember?"

"That's pretty badass if you ask me."

"No one else thought so." I grinned, ignoring the awkward feeling in my chest. A crease formed between Clarke's eyebrows and it looked like she was about to say something when my phone rang.

Oh no, I thought, doubtfully pulling out my phone. He'd been calling me almost every other day now, saying the same thing. Just thinking of it made me anxious, especially since Clarke started seeming more suspicious. But luckily, the number on my phone was one I didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Is this Bellamy Blake?"

"Yes." Clarke raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged.

"Your girlfriend is in the hospital."

My stomach dropped for a moment before I realized that that didn't make any sense.

"My girlfriend?" Clarke's eyes widened and she leaned forward as if she'd be able to hear.

"Yes, Lexa. You're her emergency contact, Mr. Blake. You should come down as soon as possible. She's asking for you."

Clarke wasn't too happy. Even after I explained that Lexa was never actually my girlfriend and that no, I had no idea why I was her emergency contact. She pretended not to be but it was obvious by her brooding silence and the feeling that she could stab me at any moment. We had a long motorcycle ride to the hospital.

All the while, I was worried about Lexa. We were never more than just friends with benefits, if you could even call us friends, but that didn't stop me from being concerned. I knew she could handle herself but that raised the question of why she called for me in the first place. I mean, I hadn't seen her in months, not since before the kitchen fire anyway. Ironically, she was the date that bailed on me, leading me to the blonde across the hall who looked like she wanted to set me on fire all over again.

So we were in a sticky situation. Clarke had never been angry with me and Lexa had never tended to care about me and I had never felt so irresponsible in a serious situation in my life. Walking through that emergency room had me feeling like a doe eyed kid, unsure of every move I made. And it didn't seem that Clarke knew any better. When we finally weaved our way to the nurses station, I considered bursting into tears so that I might have a little more leeway than just blank staring and robotic questions.

"I'm, uh, looking for someone." I said, glancing at the curtain surrounded beds where people of varying degrees of injury were laying. To the left was a young guy with bandages all around his hand, scrolling through his phone and to the right was an older woman speaking quietly with what I guessed was her husband.

"Do you have a name?" The woman at the desk asked, giving me a forced smile. She must've been working for hours judging by the amount of paper coffee cups on her desk and for a moment I considered taking that as a sign to leave altogether. Jesus, I was being such a baby.

"Bellamy! Over here!" As I opened my mouth to give the name, Lexa herself yelled out a few feet away. I didn't know how she could tell it was me since I couldn't see her myself, but I glanced at the nurse who gestured for me to go and Clarke and I hustled away.

Behind a blue and green curtain, reclining in a hospital cot was Lexa, with blood striping her face and a purple bruise under her eye. She couldn't have been there too long since nothing was bandaged or cleaned for that matter and honestly, she looked terrible. I went to tell her that when suddenly Clarke made a noise from behind me.

Lexa's eyes widened, looking over my shoulder. "Clarke." She said firmly, giving my girlfriend a once over.

Clarke did the same, her whole body stiff. "Lexa." She nodded.

"Is there something I'm missing?" I asked hesitantly, looking back and forth between the girls who looked like they were having a duel with their eyes.

"We...uh..." Clarke hesitated.

"Dated."

"Oh."

Why was I even surprised? My life was weird enough. Of course my girlfriend would be the ex of my sort of ex.

"That's not relevant." Lexa said dismissively, finally looking away from Clarke. "Sit down." She nodded to the chair beside her bed.

I went to argue but Clarke swerved around me and took a seat, leaving me to awkwardly brace my hands against the back of the chair and pretend that this wasn't the weirdest thing to happen to me in a while.

"Why did you call me?" I asked, attempting to gain back some leverage. "I haven't seen you in months and apparently I'm your emergency contact."

"You're one of my only exes that wouldn't sock me if they saw me again." Lexa shrugged. "It was strategic."

"Yet you still got socked?" Clarke said

"Precisely."

"How did this even happen?" I demanded, feeling my temperature slowly rise as I watched her stretch out on the bed like this was no big deal. Like I didn't have a life of my own.

"I may have insulted a couple guys. I may have been in a biker bar. They may have had weapons and drank a little less than I did." Lexa shrugged.

"Jesus Christ!" I blew out a huge breath and started pacing, running my hands through my hair. Being with Lexa had been infuriating but I had never been this mad with her. Honestly, I was always afraid to even cross that line. Now though, it was like something snapped inside of me.

"What's your problem?" Clarke asked, spinning around in her chair and giving me a glare. That had me stopping in my tracks. Lexa looked on quietly, her face impassive.

"This is riduculous." I tried keeping my voice calm. "We shouldn't be here right now."

"Bellamy, she's hurt, we can't just leave her."

"She's an adult, Clarke, I think she can take care of herself."

"I'm right here." Lexa lazily waved her hand, "and let me just say that I wasn't asking for you. I was dazed and said something that sounded like Bellamy. And then, because you're my emergency contact, they called you and escalated the entire situation." She sighed and leaned back in her pillows. "Now, I need a drink."

"See." I said, gesturing to Lexa. "Let's just go."

Clarke's eyes turned to ice and she held my stare for a moment. In that time, I thought my whole body might explode with the force of her eyes. "I'm not leaving."

As soon as she said it, my phone started ringing. And of course, it was just who I didn't want to talk to. Lexa glanced at me with a grimace.

"Murphy?"

"Murphy?" Clarke asked.

Oh shit.


	15. Bellamy Falling

_***Clarke***_  
"Bittersweet? No, just bitter, the taste of your tongue. Words you can't have back, so they linger."  
\- Coco J. Ginger

Bellamy's phone calls had been getting more suspicious each time they occurred. Ever since they started they just got worse, more frequent, and he started taking them more and more. I never had the nerve to eavesdrop on him but from the muffled whispers I could hear, it was tense. Bad even.

And even more infuriating was the fact that he never told me who was on the other end of the call. A lot of times he lied, and said it was Octavia or a coworker but it was obvious it wasn't true. His eyes would dart around and he'd hurry out of the room like he'd just seen a ghost. I should've known it was something worse. That it was Murphy.

"Explain." I demanded when Bellamy and I reached a quiet hallway, away from Lexa who seemed to be unfazed by the commotion she had just caused.

"It's nothing." Bellamy said, glancing around the corridor, looking anywhere but at me.

"Obviously it's not nothing if Lexa knows about it."

"Lexa doesn't know shit." He snapped, jaw clenching. I paused, taking a step back before he relaxed, running a hand through his hair. "It's complicated."

"I think I can handle it, Bellamy."

He sighed and looked around once more before focusing on his feet. I suddenly felt like I was on the edge of a cliff a second away from free falling.

"Murphy and I have been...in business together for a couple years now. When I first moved here, I came with Octavia and she was hanging out with a lot of bad people. Making herself out to be someone that a lot of people wouldn't particularly like.

"And at the time, I was working with Murphy at a club downtown. I was a bodyguard and he was... god knows what. O got into some bad stuff that winter and I didn't know how to get her out without getting both of us killed. Murphy liked to bother me about my problems and eventually I broke. I told him everything."

He sucked in a breath then, meeting my eyes for a second. I wished I could say there was sadness or regret in them but all I saw was guilt. What the hell had he done?

"He offered to help me out. I accepted. We were desperate." He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I doubt all of it was legal, but that's Murphy. And what was I supposed to do? Deny my sister the help she needed?

"Eventually, Octavia found Lincoln and was on some stable ground but Murphy was still helping me pick up jobs and the like. I knew I should've distanced myself but things were finally working out and Murphy was always reminding me that I owed him for all he did. I had to name my fucking cat after him." Bellamy shook his head and I could feel the anger emanating from him like a heater.

"Last summer I told him I was done. If he needed me for an odd job or whatever I would provide to repay my debt to him but otherwise I was out. No more sneaking around or," He hesitated. "illegal activities."

"But if you've been out since the summer why has he been calling you for the past few months?" I asked, still feeling some deep rage inside of me that I couldn't explain. It was like I was looking at Bellamy through a dirty window, like he was distorted.

"He has a job for me. Not one for his debt but for me." Bellamy swallowed hard. "Murphy told some guy in Seattle about me and apparently he liked what he heard. He wants me to work for him. Good money, free living, the works. According to Murphy, none of it is against the law either."

"And you've been telling him no this whole time, right?"

A shadow fell over Bellamy's face and I knew it was over right then and there. We would never be the same. It was like pulling a string off a sweater and unraveling the entire thing.

"I was at first. Until he told me that things weren't looking too hot here. Less jobs, less money, and less getting away with anything. I guess there've been some pretty determined cops trying to track down gangs around the city."

"And because of your association with Murphy, you're screwed." I finished for him. The hole of despair in my stomach that had been swirling around suddenly closed and all I was left with was anger.

"Clarke, you have to understand, I didn't do it because I wanted to, I did it for Octavia." His voice was ragged now, almost desperate. I could barely hear anything.

"You could've ended it. Debts can be repaid, Bellamy."

"I had no choice."

"There's always a choice!" I yelled, making the hallway feel all the more empty. It was like we were the only ones in the hospital anymore, surrounded by fire and smoke. "Why didn't you tell me? How come Lexa knew and I didn't? I thought she didn't mean anything."

"She didn't. That's why she knew." Bellamy tugged at his hair so hard I thought it would tear through his fingers. "Because I didn't want to fuck this up, Clarke. I thought it was done with and you were my new start. You didn't need to know because it wasn't going to matter anymore."

"That's not fair." I answered, my voice cracking just the slightest bit. Bellamy suddenly grabbed my wrists, light glaring in his eyes.

"Come with me to Seattle." He said in a hushed whisper. "We can have an apartment a block away from Octavia and forget about everything else. We'll bring the cats and be happy. Safe."

"I don't want to forget everything, Bellamy." I replied, suddenly remembering everything at once. The fire and the Halloween party and the Ark. Everything. "I was happy."

Neither of us said anything for a minute after that. I took my hands back and cracked my knuckles, eyes glued to the ground. Bellamy leaned against the wall and I could hear him breathing heavy. How had everything gone to shit so quickly? How did we break within minutes?

"What does this mean?" Bellamy asked, meeting my eyes once more. "What are we gonna do?"

I had made up my mind as soon as I understood. And my heart was broken but my brain was functioning just fine. Well enough for me to know that this wasn't going to work out. Everything was different now.

"You're going to go to Seattle." I said firmly. "And I'm gonna stay here. You'll live a block away from Octavia and I'll keep my cat. We'll both be happy."


	16. All Hail Princess

_***Bellamy***_  
"I loved you long before you loved me. It's the only thing I have you beat at, and Ill bring it up every chance I get."  
\- Becca Fitzpatrick

On average, cats are pregnant for about two months, more or less. The vet said Princess was already a month along when we finally brought her in. I guess we never really thought that Princess' odd behavior was anything more than a weird cat being weird. Or maybe that Murphy was rubbing off on her.

I suppose there were more important things to worry about in the following weeks. There was Finn and us and Lexa and me. Maybe we were just terrible pet owners. Yeah, that seemed about right. Because no one in their right mind would forget that their car was pregnant. But they would call me at the airport, an hour before my flight to Seattle left.

"I seriously have no idea what I'm doing." Clarke exclaimed, her voice not enough to cover the sounds of her fumbling around her apartment.

"It's fine, I'm on my way now."

"Bellamy, you're flight's at 7."

I shoved through the glass doors of the airport, moving faster than I meant to, and into the dark parking lot. My car was started before I even got in. "I know."

"Cat births take hours."

"Yup." I shoved the key into the ignition.

"You don't have to do this." Clarke sighed.

"I want to." I replied wearily, "And didn't you say you didn't know how to do this?"

"You don't either." I could hear Clarke's pout through the phone.

"But I do have the internet. And I'm good at fixing things."

With that hanging in the air, we both quickly said goodbye and I made my way through the city to Clarke's apartment. When I left a few hours before, I thought I'd never come back. We said our awkward goodbyes and that would be it. But of course, what was the chance that I would actually do anything normally?

 _3 hours earlier_

I hadn't seen Clarke in about two weeks and just like when we first met, I didn't understand how it was possible that I didn't see her at all. It occurred to me that she was probably avoiding me, and I couldn't say I blamed her. The fight we had had was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. It was like standing in the epicenter of an earthquake and I could still feel the tremors even now. I wondered if she felt the same.

Octavia said not to worry about it but I could tell she was upset over the phone. She might've even been angry with me but she wouldn't admit it and I didn't have enough time to tell. She shoved the phone on Lincoln and I didn't feel like discussing my relationship fails with him so I hung up quick. If this was what fucking up felt like I wasn't a fan.

But there was nothing I could do now. Clarke made up her mind and the reckoning that Murphy had predicted was rolling in. I bought an airplane ticket to Seattle and put my things in order. Within those two weeks, I felt fine. Or at least I had convinced myself to. That was until I dragged my suitcase out into the hallway to leave and found Clarke standing in her doorway. I must've forgotten what she looked like over time because facing her then made my heart drop through the four floors beneath us.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Jesus Christ I missed her. It all came back at me like a train running right into my chest.

"You're leaving." Clarke said, nodding to the suitcase in my hand. I clenched my fist around the handle, feeling like it would burn through my skin.

"Yeah."

We had never been so silent before, staring at each other across the hall as if there was nothing to say at all. The thing was though, that there was too much to say and no time to say it. The bridge had been crossed and burned to pieces just like my kitchen nearly 4 months ago.

Clarke cleared her throat like she was about to say something but nothing came out. I suddenly felt like I was drowning in the silence between us and I wanted to run right out of the building and never turn back. Another voice in my head suggested throwing my suitcase to the ground instead and trying to fix this like I thought I could fix everything else. Apparently, I was wrong.

"I'll see you later then." I settled on the former, shutting my door behind me and turning towards the elevators.

"Probably not." Clarke said quietly. When I looked back at her she was making the face she made when she said something she knew she shouldn't have. It was like pouring salt in the wound.

I walked down the small length of corridor and pushed the elevator button, promising not to look back. Of course, I didn't keep that promise. And when I looked back her eyes had softened. But then the doors were open and neither of us said anything more.

 _Present_

"How did you not know your cat was in labor for 24 hours?"

"I don't know! I was at work for most of it."

Clarke and I huddled on her kitchen floor around Princess, who was nestled in a blanket on the linoleum. We had been there ever since I arrived which had been about 15 minutes before. That was when the contractions started.

"I didn't know cats could have contractions." I muttered, pressing my fingers to Princess' stomach as it tightened up then loosened again.

"Me neither." Clarke sighed, dropping off her knees onto the floor, criss crossing her legs and stifling a yawn. "It's kinda gross."

"If this is gross just wait for the actual birth."

Clarke's lip turned up the slightest. "You can handle that."

"Of course." I smiled, scooching back into the cabinet and leaning my head against it.

In the leftover silence, I let myself gaze around the apartment. It was so familiar to me now I could point out every crack in the ceiling and dip in the floor. I suddenly really missed this place, even though I wasn't even gone at all.

"Remember when we slept on this floor?"I asked abruptly.

Clarke smiled the tiniest bit, looking down at the slightly dirty ground. "Yeah. It was perfect because we could sleep and eat without having to move."

"Our plan was kind of flawed in the morning though, wasn't it?"

"I still need to see a chiropractor." She laughed, meeting my eyes. For a second, everything felt normal. It was _us_. But then she looked away and we were back to square one.

Then, Princess made a sound. Clarke and I glanced over in unison and found a sight that I don't think either of us ever wanted to see.

"Ew!" Clarke groaned, leaning forward just the slightest bit. Cat birth looked exactly as I pictured it, which was disgusting.

"Are we supposed to do something?" I asked, watching as the form of a kitten appeared before us.

"I think she's just supposed to...push it out."

And that's what she did. For another hour and a half, five kittens were birthed on Clarke's kitchen floor. To be fair, they were very cute kittens, even though they were half Murphy. I wondered if my cat, who had sent off to Seattle before me, knew that his children were being born. If he was sad that he'd never meet them.

"Bellamy, he's a cat."

"Cats have feelings too." I pouted, liking my idea. It was sad and...an excuse for me to stay. I'd been coming up with a lot of those lately. And even now, as I stood by the door with my suitcase in hand, I felt like I was making the wrong choice. I couldn't bring myself to say it, but I knew it to be true.

"Thanks for coming." Clarke said, stuffing her hands in her pockets. "I'm sorry you missed your flight."

"It was the least I could do." I shrugged, knowing those words to be so incredibly true. I wished I could do more. I didn't know how.

Just like earlier, an awkward silence began to creep between us and I felt my throat tightening. This needed to be different. I needed it to be different. I had touched Clarke in two weeks and it terrified me but I stuck my hand out anyway, just so I could feel that spark one last time. She cocked her eyebrow, but took my hand anyway.

We stayed like that for a minute, both of us staring at our clasped hands. The moment seemed to stretch forever until Clarke squeezed my hand and our eyes met.

"You're gonna forget all about me." She whispered, her eyes suddenly becoming glassy. I took my hand back from her and shook my head, grabbing the door handle behind me.

"Unlikely."


	17. Unlikely

_***Clarke***_

"We are never so defensless against suffering as when we love"

-Sigmund Freud

Bellamy had made the stupid video to cheer me up after Finn died. It was full of ridiculous moments and memories that had once made me laugh and smile up at him as if we would have many more. Now watching us crack up over something I can barely remember sends my heart hammering into overdrive like I just ran a marathon. I only cried once after Bellamy left. I feared this time would be number two.

He had been gone almost three months and everything around me was a reminder. My apartment, the city, my habits. It was funny how I had completely rebuilt my life around Bellamy. I wondered if he did that too. If he felt that aching gap in his day every single day since he had left. He said he wouldn't forget me but I was still unsure. How could we come back from this?

I didn't think we could. Mostly. But there had been a voice in the back of my head all this time that said maybe there was a sliver of hope. That even though he lived across the country, we could make things right. Then the other voice reminded me that Bellamy was the one to fix things, and where was he now? Now I thought, why couldn't I just take his place?

I slammed my laptop closed and picked my way out the door, nearly tripping over a pair of shoes on the way. Princess glared at me as I grabbed my keys but I didn't care. I was going to do something right for once

The articles about the gang arrests came out the week after Bellamy left and that's where I started. From what I knew, Murphy hadn't left the city so I tracked him down first. I didn't know what I was expecting from him or what I wanted out of this, but I knew I needed something. Surprisingly, Murphy wasn't too hard to find. I told him so when he opened the door of his house where Bellamy and I first went to the Halloween party.

"What do you want, Clarke?" He sighed, moving to let me in. I must've struck a chord because he scanned the street outside his house before shutting the door and locking it.

"I'm here about..." I paused. "Bellamy."

"He's in Seattle." Murphy walked past me dismissively, towards the kitchen and past the bathroom I had nearly destroyed. I stopped myself from glancing in as I followed him.

"I know that."

"Then you must know everything." He jumped up onto the counter like he had on Halloween and I felt the same way I felt then. Like this guy was a douchebag and I wanted to leave.

"Murphy, please." I sighed, refusing to give up so easily. "I want to know more about this whole gang thing. If he..."

"Did anything really bad?" Murphy smirked a bit then when I didn't answer sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He had heavy purple bags under his eyes and I wondered if he had slept at all the past few weeks.

"No, he didn't." He said, "It was actually infuriating how litte he would do. That kid was a menace. Real good at the jobs that he actually did but would always bail on me. It's a surprise I even kept him around."

"Why did you?"

"He owed me." Murphy shrugged but something in his face softened. "And I liked him. He was a good guy. I think he made me feel like I was doing something right."

"He's not dead." I muttered and Murphy's eyebrows rose.

"I know you want to believe that Bellamy is terrible and a liar but you shouldn't be mad at him. He had reasons. I've never seen someone give up so much for the people he loves, as stupid as that sounds."

I swallowed hard and started backing out of the kitchen. "Thanks Murphy."

"Don't be a stranger, Clarke." He called after me as I left, nearly running out the door. I knew what I had to do now, but I needed the right place.

I told myself I was never going to return to that bookstore. Whenever I thought about it, I thought about Finn. That phone call that flipped everything on it's head forever. Not to mention, I didn't think I could ever find it again.

But today was a day for change. For making up for what I failed to do. So I wandered around the city for almost two hours until it started to rain and I happened to finally find the bookstore. And just like last time, I entered soaking wet and heart pounding.

I didn't even stop to look around as I stalked to the back of the store, clutching my phone in my hand like it was the only thing keeping me grounded. Just as I remembered it, the closet full of books stood on the back wall, the door open just a little bit, enough to make you wonder what it was. I slipped in without a second thought, blinked through the dim light, and looked around. Somehow I didn't feel the dread I thought I would feel. Maybe because I was too occupied with what I was about to do.

I found Bellamy's number and pressed the call button, shakily raising my phone to my ear. I pictured doing this plenty of times in the past three months, always saying something different. This time, I didn't want to scream or yell at him, to accuse him of ruining everything. This time I didn't know what I was going to say but I was hoping it would fix us.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

A pause. "What's up?"

"I, uh," I began pacing the length of the room, "wanted to talk to you."

"About?" I couldn't hear much on Bellamy's line, but I thought I heard a car pass by.

"Us."

There was another pause in which I thought I would pass out. Just hearing his voice made me feel like my head was about to explode. In the store I heard the bell over the door ring and I quickly closed the door a little further.

"Where are you? I'm in the city, we should meet up."

"You're in the city?"

On his side I heard something topple over and him muttering a curse. "Uh, yeah. I missed...everything."

My stomach turned at that and I tried to hold myself together. What if I actually fixed this? How was this working so well?

"Ok, let's meet. Where are you?"

The door to the closet suddenly creaked open and I must've been dreaming because there was Bellamy, phone to his ear. All of the air left the room in that moment as we gaped at each other. He was dripping wet and I suddenly wanted to ask him if he felt cold.

"Here." He said and I dropped the phone from my ear. He did the same and it was like lightning suddenly crashed between us. Electricity crawled around the room. "I thought you didn't like this place."

"I guess I missed it. Missed everything."

A grin spread across Bellamy's face and he held out his hand. "Let's get out of here."

Maybe we weren't so unlikely after all.


End file.
